Anyone here from Portland, OR?

22 Jun

Before I start passing hasty judgements on Cannes winners/losers, I have one small question/favour to ask of you.

I’m heading up to Portland, OR, in August. Beginning in Hawaii, then over to the top of the West Coast, through San Fran to LA, and finally out to Vegas. I’m confident I can rely on my down-home New Zealand charm and elusive accent to get me through airport security. But then what?

Truth is, I’m paralysed at the prospect of tipping. I can’t wrap my head around the etiquette, nor the maths. With new friends to guide me through this minefield, I may come out unscathed. Or at least unjudged.

My life’s ambition, of course, is to one day soon acquire some kind of “green” card and go work at W+K Portland, so I’m especially keen to meet some folks from there. Particularly marriageable women. But if you’re living on the West Coast, or you have great friends that do, and you’re reading my blog, you’re probably awesome and we should hang out.

We will have so much fun.

DATE IDEA #1: Maybe we could go watch some bands play at Doug Fir. You could try to convince me that Bourbon is Whisky. Maybe we could get ourselves invited to some loft party in the Pearl and we’d take the bottles of Bear Republic Racer 5 I remembered to grab earlier that day at the bottle store, when we were…

DATE IDEA #2: Riding our bikes to Two Tarts to pick up some muffins for the picnic, where we’d lay about in a park with all your old school friends drinking Guatemalan coffee. We could talk about films that haven’t come out in New Zealand yet, and I could try and convince you that our local film industry is really coming along in leaps and bounds, such as that one film. Then we could recommend each other books, which would force us to…

DATE IDEA #3: Visit Powell’s Books and scour the Penguin Classics until we’d uncovered every gem we’d ever hoped to find. We’d leave most of them, of course, but we’d take a book each. Then, with the fever of consumerism pumping through our young veins, we’d leap back on our bikes and ride to Guitar Crazy, where we would find that perfect US Telecaster in blonde just like I’ve always wanted. And I’d umm and I’d ahh, and you’d tell me I’m all on my own with the tipping thing if I don’t buy it, so I do, and we would laaaaaugh. Boy, would we laugh.

DATE IDEA #4: Hookers and coke.

Actually, you know what? Maybe we could just get lunch. I’ll even cover the tip. You know that feels unnatural to me. But I’ll do it. For you.

Hit me up on jono.aidney (at)


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